Time Management for Poly People

Scheduling and time management is a valuable and desirable tool in poly spaces. You'll often see it joked about.

Slide into my Google Calendar

I have a scheduling kink 😉

Let's take a closer look on how to avoid some common pitfalls of managing multiple relationships.

Take an Audit of Your Time

The first step to managing your time is to take an audit of it. Consider the time you spend on work, school, family, social activities, and other commitments. For now, don't consider any activities that have been specifically for your romantic partners.

One way to do this i to bust your your paper or digital calendar. Review your last 3 months and put your activities into these categories. Color code each category so you can see patterns at a glance.

Keep in mind that these categories are not always discrete, and some people meld their relationships into the time spent in all of these buckets.

This exercise will help you take a step back and find where you can make changes, reprioritize, and organize to give yourself the life you want.

Whatever time is left over can be dedicated to your partners. Go back through your calendar and do the same color coding and categorization for each partner. You should see similar patterns on when and how you spend time with each partner.

Get a Sense of What Each Partner Wants

Instead of trying to spend equal time with each partner, try to match each person's needs and desires. Have conversations about the format and frequency of interactions.

For example, one partner may want to have one date per week, while another partner may want to spend two weekends per month together. This is is also the time to advocate for the type of connection that you seek. Some examples of asking for what you want:
“I want to have one date per week, preferably a sleepover”

“I want to spend two weekends per month together”

“I want to travel together. Let's pick a place and start planning"

Blended Time or Separate Time?

One way to get more quality time with the people you love is to have shared quality time with multiple partners.

People who identify as kitchen table poly

A polyamorous dynamic where all people involved communicate frequently

Kitchen Table Poly

or garden party poly

A polyamorous dynamic where metamours may meet at large group gatherings.

Garden Party Polyamory

frequently spend one on one quality time with partners, but they will also have shared social time.

Those that are more into parallel

A polyamorous relationship dynamic where metamours have little to no interaction

Parallel Polyamory

or solo poly

A relationship style focused on yourself. All romantic decisions are made with the intent to remain autonomous and avoid entanglement.

Solo Polyamory

tend to prefer distinct and separate interactions with their partners.

Coordinate with all people involved to determine the type of connection they want.

Make Time for New People

It's important to remember that bringing new people into your life requires time and energy. Make sure you have organized your life to make room for new relationships. You clean your house before you have guests over. Think of your calendar in the same way. A clean calendar is optimized for slotting in quality time with that new person.

Managing your time effectively in poly relationships requires open communication, flexibility, and a willingness to prioritize your partners' needs. By taking the time to assess your commitments and communicate with your partners, you can create fulfilling and sustainable relationships.